The topic of victimhood and the shame associated with embodying this disgusting mask of “Poor me”—people’s responses to this state—are both indicators that we have gone astray and that most people carry the scary belief that acknowledging hurt and wrongdoing and embodying the victim are the same thing. They are not.
Every hero has a journey which makes him or her. Victimhood is often simply the catalyst or spark that births the heroic and brave heart of an accomplished human being. The human being, beyond any other creature in nature, has the capacity to witness and understand the totality and carry that nature on in this world. Without a catalyst to wake up, one will be kept under the spell of the programming one is born into. Abuse and trauma are the primary vehicles Indigo children experience to assist in waking up from the dream and returning to the Self of Selves—the sun, the moon, the fire…God.
We do not want to simply survive. We will thrive, but we cannot thrive without letting go of the attachment to the personality we believed we were when we experienced trauma versus who we know we are in God. We have to do that through the truthful exploration of the story arc tied to the person you are becoming. To talk about it is essential. Though you may not want to open these topics to a broad community, having a smaller tribe of like-minded souls to share your story is a huge part of integrating all the wisdom that comes from the true internal spiritual experience.
If all the downloads, visions, samādhis, kīrtans, and darśanas don’t cause you to improve every aspect of how you are interacting with people, then you’re failing at the integration part. We shouldn’t be seeking an isolated personal “me me me” enlightenment; it should be expansive as the sky. All of us, all of you—like unto me, myself, the Self of God—and each of you say the same unto yourselves.
When I started complaining about what had happened to me as a child growing up in the Hare Krishna world—a restricted world unto itself—people from my community were aghast that I would raise my voice and speak back to the powers that be, for they had suffered far worse and were still sincere in their belief in Kṛṣṇa, taste for chanting the name, and serving the community. This wasn’t the reaction I was expecting. I was expecting or hoping for the “I am Spartacus” moment where each failing and abused devotee reached their limit for witnessing more and stood together as one to finally be done with the egoic monster called ideology and finally do some real pure chanting together. I still hope for that day.
I have, through years of reflection, come to the point where the victim/hero duality has to end and the journey of self-discovery through both the good and bad experiences of life becomes the wisdom wine of suchness. Life is bittersweet; it’s not the world’s fault, it’s nobody’s fault. It is simply as it is.
To move on from the sense of being a victim, the teachings of ancient Tantric traditions tell us we have to return our mind to its original sense of purity and innocence. This state of mind is embodied as the Goddess Mahātripurasundarī. She is the daughter of Śiva and Mā Pārvatī, Bālā. In Nātha Yoga, the Bālā-Vidyā mantra is awarded to help the sādhaka return to this state of original virginal innocence.
The energy of the sādhaka’s existence must be cultivated through all its stages: Śrī-Vidyā in Mahā-Yoga, Kālī-Vidyā in Anu-Yoga, and Tārā-Vidyā in Ati-Yoga. This path moves from rebirth through spiritual ego death to return as the saviouress. It is the process of Self-realisation as given in the Yoga-Mārga. The Yoga-Mārga and the Daśamavidyā of the Śākta tradition (Kulācāra) form the core of true Yoga practice, leading to Nirvikalpa Samādhi / Kṛṣṇa-Darśana—I declare boldly that these are one and the same.
Bālā Sundarī is also worshipped in the form known as Gopāla Sundarī, where the syllables of the eighteen-syllable Gopāla mantra and the Ṣoḍaśī Śrī Vidyā mantra are intertwined. Both are seen as the unity of Śakti and Śaktimān. Here the traditions of Śaivism, Vaishnavism, and Śākta conjoin in a marvelous tapestry of spiritual story and practice
The shaking off of conditions of mind that plague us after trauma has to be managed by the three core processes of purification for a yogī:
Deha-Śuddhi: purification of diet, routine, and the cultivation of virtues and behaviour.
Vāk-Śuddhi: purification of speech through commitment to telling the truth, not lying, and mantra practice.
Manas-Śuddhi: purification through meditation on Īṣṭa-devatā (Paramātmā, Nārāyaṇa, Hari/Hara tattva—the sum total “I am”). For me in my life this is Śrī Kṛṣṇa and his entourage in Vraja-līlā and Śrīman Mahāprabhu and his entourage in Navadvīpa (the human body and the vessel of Nava-Vidha Bhakti).
With the help of qualified mentors and initiation into mantra from a sincere Mantra-Dhara we gain entrance into a beautiful world of practices which form the tool kit of the holy Doctor, Sri Gurudeva. I am a work in progress, a Sadhaka who’s visions and experiences have shown me that healing this part of our mind and heart is critical to attain balance in life. I am far from the goal of full integration but by Gods grace I have a strong sense of where I have to go. There’s a child in me that still needs me quite a lot.
I like to think of any child of the last 100 years who has overcome trauma, victimhood, and the fear of existence to find God within and live healthy and accomplished lives as “Indigo children” to you all I offer my respects and pray for your continued success. Indigo is the color of our lord, the great sky, the great ocean of consciousness, the great void, our Lord and Goddess.
Aruṇa-kiraṇa-jvālā-rañjitā sāvakaśā vidhṛta-japa-vatīkā-pustaka-bhīti-hastā Itara-kara-varāḍya-puṣpa-kahlāra-samsthā nivasatu hṛdi bālā nitya-kalyāṇa-rūpā.
May Bālā, whose form is eternally auspicious,
adorned with the flaming rays of the crimson dawn, radiant and spacious,
holding in one hand a rosary, a book, and the fearlessness gesture,
and in the other the boon-granting gesture, flowers, and a white lotus—
dwell in my heart.
Until next time
Jai Nitai
Colophon: Key Jargon
Mahātripurasundarī (Bālā): Goddess of original innocence and purity.
Bālā-Vidyā, Śrī-Vidyā, Kālī-Vidyā, Tārā-Vidyā: Mantric stages in Tantric Yoga.
Yoga-Mārga / Daśamavidyā / Kulācāra: Traditional paths of Śākta Yoga leading to Nirvikalpa Samādhi.
Deha-, Vāk-, Manas-Śuddhi: The three classic purifications of body, speech, and mind.
Īṣṭa-devatā: Chosen form of the Divine (here Śrī Kṛṣṇa / Mahāprabhu).